Subtle Exclusion

Christmas school holidays have started for my daughter and my youngest son. The weather is heating up as summer’s gears are beginning to turn over.

My daughter has Instagram. It’s been fun for her to keep in contact with friends and others she knows, particularly while her attendance at school has been on a very modified timetable. It helps her to keep some sort of connection with those in her school life.

However, one of social media’s negative side reared its head when yesterday she came across some photos posted by the girls she considers to be her group at school. It was a particularly hot day and there they all were at one of the girl’s houses, swimming in the pool and looking to be having fun. “Why wasn’t I invited? These are all my friends, they are all there, except me, again”, (Last week she saw photos of them at one of the girl’s birthday parties).

My eldest son came home from school yesterday (he’s got a few more days of school left), with green permanent marker in several dashes on his t-shirt and one on the back of his neck. All he will tell me is that some boys did it for fun. I can’t get any more from him. I don’t know if it was just silly mucking around or a testing of boundaries, seeing how far they can go in antagonising him.

Little things, but I feel them gnawing at me, knowing those ‘little things’ are chipping at their confidence. Making them feel less accepted and not part of the ‘group’. Causing hurt.

5 thoughts on “Subtle Exclusion

  1. When at boarding school I was often in this position especially when excluded from joining everyone else when others were invited to go out on Sundays . Fifty years on I’m still sensitive to this scenario and don’t automatically think that I’m included even when there is a general open invitation.

  2. I am sorry to hear this. I also suffered bullying and exclusion as a child. Would you consider speaking to teachers about it or would your children not want you to do so? I used to try to stop my Mum talking to the teachers about the kids who bullied me.

  3. I think that’s why my son keeps quiet. He’s at an age where just me driving too close to the bus stop embarrasses him.
    My aim is to get his ASD specialist to have a meeting with his teachers early next year. But they all have so many students, I’m not sure it’ll help…

  4. My daughter however, it seems she has good friends, but these instagram photos suggest otherwise. Not sure what’s going on there. It’s holiday time here, so I may suggest some get together and see what happens.
    Fingers crossed!

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